The Uphill Slide

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W•o•m•a•n•i•z•e•r

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Sounds like someone who likes and loves women. Might be. Or might be insecurity with a little vulnerability. Sex with one or sex with a thousand. Or sex with 20,000 as Wilt Chamberlain claimed in his book, A View From Above. 

Would you think the same about a w•o•m•a•n•i•z•e•r who’s single and one who’s married? For the single, no commitment or responsibility. No promises. One man makes a distinction between players and cheaters. Anyway, take it all while the getting’s good. For the married? Makes for an unhappy marriage. It’s that z stroking one way, then another in w•o•m•a•n•i•z•e•r that spells it out. What about the women he hooks up with? Maybe they don’t care. Looking for attention, asking for little. Reminds me of lines from the Gin Blossoms song, Jealousy. “If you don’t expect too much from me, you might not be let down.” But then one of those women thinks she’s the one to change him into a one-woman man. She makes all the difference. But she forgot. He’s a  w•o•m•a•n•i•z•e•r. Sooner or later there’ll be someone else just a little better, a little more exciting, someone who doesn’t ask too much. Someone who seems a little more perfect. No problems. No responsibility. No commitment. The excitement of a fresh start. But you can always hope for a perfect life or age to slow him down. Then again, age doesn’t slow down that need for validation. Dare I mention one many of us might call a w•o•m•a•n•i•z•e•r•?

Flashback memories. I’ve known a couple of w•o•m•a•n•i•z•e•r•s. Married ones. Why does a w•o•m•a•n•i•z•e•r marry? A facade? Have his cake and eat it too? But better a player than a cheater. More honesty in a player.

I’m reading about the Bill Cosby trial. I haven’t convicted him. I’m not in the courtroom. He admits to being a w•o•m•a•n•i•z•e•r. His wife isn’t at the trial. Maybe she’s ill. Maybe she’s heard enough, heard it all before.  His payoffs so his wife didn’t find out? Not for her, they’re to protect and save himself. Nothing’s left for her. If he didn’t want his wife to know what he’s been up to, then just stop. But he couldn’t. He’s been at it for years. His wife had no chance. She’d was always going to come up short.

Cosby would accept the label w•o•m•a•n•i•z•e•r. It’s not pretty, but it’s not criminal.  This one woman’s story as well as the others not a part of the trial (not to be considered in coming to a verdict) are not stories about a w•o•m•a•n•i•z•e•r. They are stories of a predator and rapist. The lawyer grilled this woman on the stand about her relationship with Cosby. He had fame and fortune. He wined and dined. He took an interest in her career. He was just being a good guy, a married good guy. He explains away rape by telling this woman’s mother that her daughter had an orgasm during sex. That isn’t consent. There are articles reporting that rape victims can orgasm, even those not impaired by drugs or alcohol. It’s this man denying assault by claiming, “She liked it.”

Chamberlain, Wilt. 1991. A View From Above.  New York, NY: Villard.

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