“I thought I was different,” she said. People warned her about his abusive nature. He had a first wife. I was in love and told myself his cheating was just because of what he was missing in his first marriage and not his character. I rationalized the things he told me about himself. Because he did tell me things. Someone told me a story of animal abuse. I asked, he denied, he blamed someone else. He told me things, not feelings, not why. I was the one filled in the blanks. I felt ashamed.
I was different. My friend was different. Everyone who says they’re different is right. That person sees things in you that he/she doesn’t have and that make you attractive. Differences can complement each other or they can be used. What isn’t different is that partner that someone or something is warning you about. What is different is circumstances—age, money, kids, parents, death, independence, dependence, etc. etc. etc. What isn’t different is that partner and how that person deals with people and most especially, problems. It may be different for a while, and he/she will convince you that you changed things. You’ll believe that because you want to believe it, and you keep remembering how that person made you feel in the beginning. Maybe you’re like the addict always looking for that memory. Maybe he/she is like the addict looking for it. Who knows why you?
But one day you start to make excuses about why he/she treats you a certain way that leaves you wanting so much more or the things he says to you or his lack of interest in so many things. You say, “That’s just the way he/she is. It’s OK.”