Have you heard a story like this before? Or maybe you’ve been part of the story.
A few nights ago, someone told me a lender/borrower story. She said the lender should have known better than to lend money to her poor-credit-risk buddy. So if the lender never gets her money back, it’s her own fault for lending to such a deadbeat. There it was, tables turned, blame assigned to lender. Is there no compassion or gratitude for a lender willing to take a risk on friendship or love as collateral?
What’s the saying though? Neither a borrower or a lender be. And here’s the rest of that saying:
Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
But maybe this table-turning blame isn’t about money. It could be all sorts of things. You’re the good friend or family member doing nice things for someone, the good-deed-receiver (GDE). Your good deeds are based in friendship or love. But are you equal? It isn’t always easy to have a relationship of equality. Maybe you knew but never acknowledged, that one person was controlling the relationship.
Suddenly the GDE turns ugly. Somehow you, the good-deed-doer, ends up to blame for GDE’s bad behavior towards you (i.e you’re not getting repaid in good deeds.). Your head is spinning wondering how this happened. Maybe you figure out the GDE; you acknowledge your absolute inequality. You understand, but one or two or hundreds of sayings fit the scenario.
It is what it is. You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. Acceptance. Transformation.
My thoughts on giving and receiving in personal relationships. Always a risk. Hopefully, you will receive if you give. Sometimes you don’t though. So just how much inequality are you ready to accept?