There is a term in psychology for a theory called projection. It is when one person projects their own feelings and emotions onto another person. These can be both good feelings and bad feelings. I have done this trying to understand what happened to Jacob. It allowed me to believe that others would behave in ways that I would behave. I thought about the guilt I would experience to betray a person or to lie about a person. Eventually though I began to see the false thinking in that. It was difficult to face. Other people’s motivations are not mine. There might never be any guilt for doing bad things to other human beings. In fact, it has been suggested that some people take pleasure in betrayal and getting away with hurting others. We are not all the same and facing that is difficult and painful but leads to a more honest assessment of the situation. It may explain all those wrongful convictions, and why others can rationalize what they did.
It is even harder when someone accuses you of negative actions and feelings you do not have. You begin to question yourself and even your own sanity. You examine yourself and your actions. What did you do to make this person say these things about you? You cannot understand why the person does not see the truth about you. Why is this person saying those negative things about you? Why does the person toss back to you the feelings you share? Eventually you may begin to understand that those negative things are actually the feelings in that person who wants to project them onto you. It is a defense that allows them to lie to themself. Even though you might understand it, you have to face this dishonesty. It may overwhelm you and color your view of yourself. It is not easy to face that projection. You see how you may have lived a lie. If you recognize it early, you might save yourself from pain because you will probably never get the honesty you most want. It hurts.
I have a great need to understand myself. It is not easy. It is not easy to understand yourself unless you face dishonesty in yourself and others. But you can only be responsible for yourself because you cannot change others who are dishonest with you. You must stop being a victim. You cannot run from it. You must face the pain to survive it and be happy again.