What are you willing to do for your friends? That thought popped up after the friend request on Facebook from an apparent friend of my ex-daughter-in-law’s.
A person asked me when I told her about the request, “Did she send a message?”
“They must have thought you were stupid.”
There Is That
There is that. Considering events with Jacob’s ex-family, I would agree that at least a couple of his ex-family members thought I was stupid—a commodity to be exploited. I certainly did behave stupidly accepting at face value what should have been explored.
I considered this friend request as evidence (not legal) of a vengeful person using her friend as a surrogate to gain entrance to my private page. What else should I think with no accompanying message from this veritable (although I had met this young woman) stranger? Sure, I remembered this young woman’s name voiced in disdain by Jacob’s ex-mother-in-law as she echoed her name in response to a story Jacob’s wife told. That was in the period of a falling out between friends. The recent photo of my ex-daughter-in-law though on this friend-request-woman’s page now seemed to show strengthened ties, so what was I to think about this request? What should I think with no explanation? Am I just a suspicious person? Of course I am suspicious of strangers who ask for my friendship when they have a connection to my son’s accusers.
What did this woman want to learn and share from my page? And why? What more does anyone want? Jacob was accused and wrongfully (is it because I say this?) convicted and put in jail. His life and our family’s will never be the same for having met any of this family. So why? Although this certainly was about Jacob, it is I that was to be exploited once again.
What Does A Friend Ask?
I have a friend who hated someone once. I understood and would even use the word empathy to describe my feelings. I knew that I would have felt the same in similar circumstances, although I had never felt that intense emotion for anyone. Now I too know that feeling and struggle with it as she did. My friend asked me for nothing except to be a friend. The story was hers. Forty years have passed, and her hatred transformed. It did not become a thing that defined her. It was a defining moment that did not define her life. I was a friend then and now. She asked nothing more of me.
Karma and Waiting
People may have said similar things to her then that they say to me now about karma and people reaping what they sow. They say such things to comfort and to express a belief that actions have consequences. History is full of stories though of people who never pay for the harm they do. In fact, innocent people may pay while guilty people never pay. There is not an orderliness that we seek to help us to understand life. That is the onerous thing we struggle to understand.
I guess if I did believe in such things as karma, the saying ‘All things come to those who wait’ might describe my philosophy. The thing about waiting and the passage of time is that if and when karma pays a visit, you may realize that it is not what you need. What you really needed was to reach apathy. I think that is the point another friend tried to make to my friend in pain. She said that seeing this person you hate in pain would not bring the happiness or vindication you think it would; nothing could change the past.
Of course, that is my view of life. I know there are those committed to vengeance. I am frightened of such people because I fear that they can never be satisfied. I try to understand what drives that need. I believe that vengeance is about the person seeking it more than the target, but of course the target gets hurt. I am distressed not for myself, although it was I that was a target here. Was it because I continue to write about my family’s belief in Jacob’s innocence or his struggles or the events of the past? Was it because his friends believe in his innocence? Was it that we continue to fight through the courts? Was it because we deny them satisfaction of seeing us lay down and die? So what does a vengeful person need?